Tag Archives: Lloyds TSB

J’en ai ras le bol #3

Subject of rant: Lloyds TSB collections department.

Before you read, I would like you to know I am up to date with all payments. Just to get that straight…

I’d rung up on Tuesday to report fraudulent use. Google checkout got on to it first, tagged it, sourced it and sorted it. Ijji followed suit. My bank? Couldn’t give a shit. When I phoned them, I was put forward to collections. At the time, I was too bothered by the fact my card had been compromised and then by the fact I needed a replacement, and then by the fact they were so… ‘meh’… about the whole fraud thing.

So… I’d gone in today to question a charge on my account. Basically, I had a charge, they took it out, then charged me again for making the charge. Easy to sort, and the branch are very good at sorting things. Loving the branch. Let’s make that clear. Lloyds TSB Bury and Daubhill, thumbs up.

Not so much the ‘invisible’ powers that be.

I’d gone in to Bury to sort it out. The (sorry, interrupted by a Brummie retard asking if I wanted my grass cutting. What? By a Black Country Smack Head? I think not! I wonder if he’s the one who stole my lawnmower in the first place??!) branch man was lovely, said he’d sort it out. Tried to sort it out. Then ‘referred to collections’ appeared and he was unable to do anything at all. He passed the phone over and called them for me.

1st grievance: entering my details THREE times and then telling them to the Indian Call Centre W-Irker (ICCWI from here on in) again.

ICCWI: Hello, collections. Can I possibly be helping you?

Me: Yes. I’ve been referred to collections and I don’t know why.

ICCWI: Why have you been referred to the collections department?

Me: I don’t know. That’s why I’m calling.

ICCWI: Have you got accounts we need to be collecting from?

Me: No. And why can’t you tell me why I’ve been referred to collections.

ICCWI: Do you know what account you have a collection from?

Me: NO!

ICCWI: Is it from your bank account?

Me: No. I have a good balance on that.

ICCWI: Can I have your card number please?

Me: No. It was used fraudulently and cancelled.

ICCWI: Is it on your credit card?

Me: I don’t have a credit card with you any more

ICCWI: The credit card starting 3770?

Me: I DON’T HAVE A CREDIT CARD WITH YOU ANY MORE

ICCWI: Is it the credit card starting 1224?

Me: I DON’T HAVE A CREDIT CARD WITH YOU ANY MORE!

ICCWI: I can see it’s not on your bank accounts.

Me: I KNOW!

ICCWI: I shall refer you to credit card collections.

Me: For F&*k’s sake! I don’t have a credit card with you

ICCWI: Please hold whilst I am passing you on to the credit card collections team

Me: I DON’T HAVE A CREDIT CARD WITH YOU! WHY ARE YOU PUTTING ME THROUGH TO COLLECTIONS? I HAVE NOTHING TO COLLECT! I DON’T NEED TO GO TO CREDIT CARD COLLECTIONS!!!

Meanwhile, customers are starting to look at me as if I’m mental.

ICCWI: Please be holding for me whilst I put you through.

ICCWI2: Hello?

ICCWI2: How can I be helping you?

Me: Yes. I’ve been referred to collections and I don’t know why.

ICCWI2: Why have you been referred to the collections department?

Me: I don’t know. That’s why I’m calling.

ICCWI2: Have you got accounts we need to be collecting from?

Me: No. And why can’t you tell me why I’ve been referred to collections?

ICCWI2: Do you know what card you have a collection from?

Me: I don’t have a credit card with you any more

ICCWI2: The credit card starting 3770?

Me: I DON’T HAVE A CREDIT CARD WITH YOU ANY MORE

ICCWI2: Is it the credit card starting 1224?

Me: I DON’T HAVE A CREDIT CARD WITH YOU ANY MORE!

ICCWI2: It says you have a credit card.

Me: I DON’T!

ICCWI2: It says that you do.

Me: What is the balance on the card?

ICCWI2: Nothing. You have no balance. It says the card balance is Nil. It says the card has been cancelled.

Me *starting to wonder if Carol Anne Duffy’s narrator in stealing was talking to an ICCW when s/he said ‘you don’t understand a word I’m saying, do you?’*

Me: I know. So why have I been referred to collections?

ICCWI2: I don’t know. I shall make sure you aren’t referred to collections from now on.

Me: THANK YOU! HAS THE GOD OF LOGIC WALKED IN AND THUMPED YOU OVER THE HEAD WITH HIS STICK OF LOGIC AND REASONING? HAS COMMON SENSE PREVAILED? HAVE YOU SUDDENLY GAINED A GRASP OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE AND REALISED ‘I DON’T HAVE AN ACCOUNT WITH YOU’ MEANS ‘I DON’T HAVE AN ACCOUNT WITH YOU?’… ARE MY NORTHERN VOWELS AND PRONUNCIATION TOO COMPLEX FOR YOU?

Be clear: I’m not blaming this poor guy and his script/his woefully out-of-date computer – I’m blaming Lloyds TSB for outsourcing their collections department here/providing adequate language training/providing adequate computer facilities/providing common sense. This is what Durkheim means by anomie: a workforce unrelated to its products.

ICCWI2: Your account is now fine.

Me: Thank you.

I then re-join the queue in the branch (as it’s not fair to push in, really, is it? Even though I’ve been on the phone for 15 minutes. I kid you not. 8 minutes waiting. 7 minutes talking to imbeciles.

Me: hello, I’ve sorted out my issues with collections. Could you now sort out this double charging for me?

The man messes with his computer for a bit and then says, ‘no… your account has been blocked by collections’

ALL I have to say to this is……

For F$^K’S SAKE!

J’en ai ras le bol #2

It seems some days are just sent to try your patience. This was one of them.

My debit card has been used for a fraudulent purchase. It was used to buy game credits at ijji – so it’s some techno-hacker who likes playing retarded on-line games. I never went to this site before today, but I’m not a happy bunny.

I’m not happy google checkout is so lax. I’m not using them again! They have no protocol (like paypal) to protect buyers, only sellers, so I can’t report a fraudulent transaction directly for them to sort out, like you can with paypal, or set it up as a dispute. I phoned my bank and cancelled my card, grudgingly, since it took them 6 weeks to replace the last card and I was without funds for that time. It’s embarrassing.

In February, when I reported my cards and cancelled them, they told me 3-4 working days. One arrived straight away. The other still hadn’t arrived 14 days later, so I called them and got put through to ‘collections’ *(though they had nothing to collect!)* who then transferred me to the usual number. They said it hadn’t been ordered and they’d place it on order.

2 weeks later, it still wasn’t here. I called again. Apparently it still hadn’t been ordered. They placed it on order. Apparently the branch hadn’t authorised it. Twats.

It arrived after that. I had to cry on the phone to get them to do it though. I had to say I’d been wearing the same clothes for a month, couldn’t afford to wash and couldn’t fill my car up. Truly, I couldn’t MOT or tax my car, or sort out my car insurance. I was without car insurance for 28 days because Directline said they needed a card number, as did every single one of the 17 companies I called. No setting up of direct debits without a card number to start with. And that isn’t a falsehood. If my car had been nicked, I’d have not got a penny.

I put in a complaint. The complaint came back after 3 days to say it hadn’t been upheld because they had no record of either calls when I’d called up and it had been diverted through collections, despite them saying phone calls may be recorded for training purposes etc.

Today, when I called, it went via collections yet again. I have nothing to collect. They are such a bunch of twats.

So… Lloyds TSB, big BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO to you. If I don’t get my card, I’ll be royally pissed off.

Organisations who have pissed me off today:

1. Google checkout

2. Ijji

3. LloydsTSB

Oh, and they can’t give me the money back until it’s been taken, and they can’t stop the transaction. What??! I got a full on lecture about how debit cards have a promise to the seller to protect them and guarantee they’ll receive payment, but this ijji must be complete retards. No-one has my CVV and if they’d tried to use Visa secure payments, they would have found they didn’t know my bank password. Even I didn’t know it. So how are they so lax that they don’t ask for the CVV??!

Paypal don’t get my vote of confidence either, since they were royally hacked back in March. They denied it, but in a forum I go in, there were at least 30 people saying the same thing. The same ‘seller’, the same amounts. If that is a small forum, I hate to think how many other accounts were breached.

And this wasn’t a problem from my computer – I’m safe, I hope. Ish.

I don’t trust the internet for money any more. I don’t trust the banks. I’m going to have a Post Office basic account, and that’s it. I’m going to have a La Poste account, and if I can get by with cash, that’s how I’m going. In fact, I can totally understand why gold is at the highest price it’s ever been. People don’t trust the banks, obviously!