I am not American but…

… it doesn’t mean I can’t give thanks. And no, I haven’t killed a turkey.

Dear Spirit of random Chance, fate, destiny, Serendipity, Cosmos… whatever you are, if you are at all…

Thanks for everything.




No… you know I wouldn’t do that to you!

  1. Thanks for my Mum. Yesterday, I saw a single magpie in the field and I saluted it so it wouldn’t bring me sorrow. And then I thought: “I don’t need to salute that magpie. I have a mum.” And mums are the best at stopping bad things happening to anyone.
  2. Thanks for my sister, because she’s the best friend I could ever ask for. May you bless her for always having a fridge full of toffee crisps and diet coke. I ❤ my sister.
  3. Thanks for my friends, because they are marvelous. I don’t know how I’d have got through these last months without a certain Deb and a certain Joanne xx
  4. Thanks for the Tilly-Poplet, because she is a funny little dog, and I’d like to say on her behalf, thanks for finding her a home where she’s learned how to be petted and is now a petting whore who rolls on her back for tummy rubs at least twenty times a day
  5. Thanks for always having my back and just when I think I’m falling, you’re, like, right there. Oh, I know, that’s my family I’m talking about, but thanks for giving me a good’un. Lots of people have shite families where their grannies put pictures up on facebook of the grannie out on the piss in nearly nothing, or mums who sleep with their boyfriends, or mums who swear at them or tear chunks off them. I know I could make a decision to go to Antarctica to marry a walrus and they’d have my back. I think they’d tell me it was stupid, but they’d support me as much in doing it as they would in winning a Nobel Peace Prize. And if it worked, they’d be just as pleased, and if it didn’t, they’d never do the ‘I told you so’ dance.
  6. Thanks for looking after Mr Fox when he was poorly and please could you send him back this way? He’s not been in this morning and Tilly is sad without her little cinnamon-coloured friend.
  7. Thanks for giving me a good brain so I can fend off roofers by saying that my husband wouldn’t approve of me making a decision and it’d be best not to bother him with stuff, because he can get so cross. I don’t have a husband, and I’d hit a mean one with a spade if I did, but it’s a great line to get out of cold calls.
  8. Thanks for the land and seeds and stuff. I’ve got a freezer-full of tomatoes and courgettes, cherries, apples, quince, plums… good stuff there.
  9. Thanks for my scientifically-scary hot water bottle that is always hot until morning, and thanks for my fleece.
  10. Thanks for making me uber-strong in mind. I know sometimes I fall apart, but I am now very good at stitching myself together again.
  11. Thanks for good coffee.
  12. Thanks for sunlight on winter days
  13. Thanks for warm fires and if you could see your way clear to getting the wood-man to call back, that’d be great. I’m tired of waiting.
  14. Thanks to the almighty powers of the internet that allow me to work all over the world with all kinds of interesting people, and thanks for some amazing blogs. I’m so full of ideas, I could pop.
  15. Generally, though, thanks for most stuff. Some stuff is as crap as as hemorrhagic necrosis  from time to time, and thanks for giving me the moral high ground to rise above it. There’s a lot of high ground to take and it makes me very, very far away from dimwits and nincompoops.

Best wishes and all that,



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