Fog, steam and sweat…

… what my world is like without contact lenses.

I decided to give my little eyes a bit of a break from contact lenses last week and then I forgot to pack my lenses to take to Ireland. I’ve reminded myself why I love contacts so much. Glasses are rubbish.

1. I can’t see where I’ve put them. Contact lens makers make the cases in bright green and white so you can find them. Not only that you always leave it in the same place (next to the sink, of course) but I put my glasses everywhere and then I can’t find them. I’ve resorted to Magoo-like patting of stuff with my hands until I come across them. So far I’ve managed to knock several things over, stand on things and squint at stuff in a most comical manner.

2. I can no longer chop onions. I’m guessing contact lenses filter out onion gases so you don’t cry. Now I cry all the time. Rubbish. I chop loads of onions and I’d never really thought about it until today.

3. If it rains, I need little glasses-windscreen-wipers. If it rains a lot, like it did in Galway, I have to take them off and wipe them. And then I accidentally walk into things if I keep moving or cause traffic jams if I stop

4. If you go from a cold place to a warm place, they steam up. Rubbish. Then you can’t see anything. You have to take them off and wipe them. Same problems as number 3.

5. People accidentally think I’m intelligent.

6. I really need big Deirdre Barlow-Rashid-style glasses. I have fashionable little glasses but probably 75% of the world is an obscure haze

7. It makes me wobbly. It’s very disorientating only being able to see 25% of the world

8. Sometimes, drips of sweat go on them, or other drips of stuff, and then they need cleaning AGAIN.

9. Sometimes, I accidentally peer over the top of them when they slip down my nose, and then I look like Hattie Jacques telling Sid James off.

10. I can’t wear my Chanel sunglasses with them. Well, I can kind of hook them over the top, but that just looks weird. And my speccy sunglasses look like those strange dark glasses that weird people wear.

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