Mais, elles sont des bottes ou des chaussures??

I’m not enamoured of the sandal-boot thing that seems to be doing the rounds. Bleurgh. It’s just about the least attractive thing a woman can put on the end of her foot. First, women’s toes aren’t ‘all that’. Mostly, they’re deformed, crooked, bunion-y, corn-y. Unless nails are painted, there are nasty yellow nails, dead skin. Urgh. And heels are the second part of the foot that is unattractive. Lots of nasty dead skin there, too.

So why would someone make a shoe that features both parts of the foot that are horrid, and not the arch, curve or soft skin of the upper foot??! It makes no sense! They must be a man. A man who hates women.

Office. A place where shoe accidents congregate

Not only that, but they all appear to be in hideous colours. What’s that about?! Men have to wear grey and brown. Women don’t. I guess, in black, they might look marginally better, but that’s like putting a bow on the elephant man.

Anyway, it’s taken its time, but these have now made their way off the catwalk and on to the streets of the North West. No. Just no. The whole point of boots is that they are warm, practical and waterproof. The whole point of a sandal is that they are cool, ridiculous and not at all waterproof. So why would you put the two together?! It’s hideous!

It’s another Lady Gaga moment. I bet she’d wear them. Plus, they don’t even have a name of their own, from bootie sandals (which sound like shoes for your arse) to bandals to gladiator booties … and how do you categorise them. Are they a boot? Are they a sandal? Are they a flat?

I don’t know whether it’s the suede – never a good fabric for looking good, compared to patent leather – or the colour – beige – bleurgh – the toes (not my most favourite part of the body, it must be said. I hate toe cleavage more than arse cleavage) or the whole style, but they just don’t work. And if you have them on in Bury on a Saturday morning, then you’re probably in need of medication, an eye test or help getting dressed. Or you’re pre-menstrual. A lot of disasters happen because of hormones. Someone needs to have a word with these people, just like the little boy in the Emperor’s New Clothes.

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