La Parole de la Reine

I like the Queen. I like how she says ‘My government’ and I wish she would take a firmer hand with some of them. I wish I had a carriage to turn up in. I’ve always liked the idea of a gold carriage. It’s very environmentally friendly (except for the gold mining, really) and even though it has got gold, it’s hopefully not ‘blood gold’ and it is ethically sourced. Certainly, it’s renewable and sustainable. You can just melt it down and make something new. Ultimate sustainability.

I also would like a big train. I think I need a retenue. I feel incomplete without one.

Clegg looked a bit like a schoolboy in assembly, and Cameron looked like a slightly smugger version of him. I think they both looked quite nervous, as if she was going to say ‘there’s been rumours of girls pushing in front of pensioners in the Interchange’ like Miss Batty, our demon Headmistress, used to do, when every single one of us would feel ashamed and sheepish.

Speaking of boys being sheepish, PC Shepherd came down from Essa Academy today. She thinks she knows who the boy is with my camera, though she agrees it’s likely to have been whizzed, along with my phone. I can’t say I’m best pleased. Having seen that the maximum ‘punishment’ would be a caution – “Don’t do it again!” – I think restorative justice must be the way forward, although I can’t bring myself to accept that a bit of a smack on the wrists and a lecture from me is going to be enough. I want blood. It’s not quite enough that I’m okay and it was all a bit of a harmless prank. The lad robbed my camera.

Between the Queen and my robber, it’s England of today. I like the way the Queen did a little kind of Japanese-style bow. I also like Phil. How doesn’t he get any older?? He’s looked that old as long as I can remember. I like the fact that Cameron is younger than all of her children. It must be great to be the Queen. I hope she goes on forever. Viva La Diva.

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